Perfect is the Enemy of Good

• Does it take you forever to post your vacation pictures?
  

• Do you drag your feet on cleaning your desk, sorting your music, or emptying out your closet because you know it'll take up the entire day?
  

• Are you reluctant to start an easy project (Christmas cards, consolidating your contacts online, finding an accountant, etc.) because you know you'll want to do a good job, no matter how insignificant the results are?
  

Let's face it, these things have been on your To-Do list forever and you're beginning to second guess just how good you are at taking care of business.

As an overachiever, there are probably 2 forces at work here - one friend and one foe.

The friendly force is your ability to prioritize. Critical projects take precedence and when these mundane tasks become urgent, they make it to the top of the list (the exception, of course, is when you're procrastinating and suddenly have time to rearrange your living room furniture).

The other force, your insistence on perfection, means well but works against you. You'll put off tasks until you can find a substantial block of time to do them thoroughly. You spend way too long organizing your desk, editing a simple email, and using 3 coats of paint when 2 would do just fine.

This mindset is part of what makes you an overachiever (you just can't do a crappy job), but your quest for perfection means that

1. You avoid starting a task because it'll take an inordinate amount of time, and
2. You're inefficient when you finally do these tasks.

I know, I know. You can't help it; you're compelled to do a thorough job. But your attention to detail is often unnecessary - your returns are not worth the investment of time and effort. Even when your hard work is noticed, it's seldom rewarded.

Since you already know you do it, when faced with a situation like this I encourage you to think of Voltaire's quote:

"Perfect is the enemy of good."

Don't spin your wheels doing a perfect job, when a good job will do. Your desire for perfection is the enemy (of good). There are diminishing returns for your diligence.

To attain a perfect thing, whatever that is, becomes infinitely more difficult as you near it. So, at some point, you have to cut your losses, and simply say -- "Good enough". This is not a justification for shoddy workmanship or laziness, for that certainly would not be, per se, "Good enough". The point is more to know when to realize that any additional effort toward improvement would result in a negligible improvement, especially in comparison to the effort required. link

Also recognize that not everything has to be a huge project and perfection isn't always necessary. Even just an "ordinary" effort can go a long way. Remember the 80/20 rule - the first 20% of the effort often gets you 80% of the way there (and usually 80% is good enough for mundane tasks).

Do what's important, maintain your high standards, but don't let them get in your way.

The Definition of Overachiever

Overachievers are ambitious, driven, and motivated to do (and be) the best. They have a unique mindset that keeps their brain on overdrive and a work ethic that keeps them one step ahead. High expectations and focused intensity are definite characteristics of overachievers. They are always pushing themselves, for more, - whether it’s professionally, academically, personally, or in a sport or hobby.

Being an overachiever is more of a mindset and the manifestation of that mindset in the form of results and accomplishments. They naturally do well in what they choose to do; they put in the necessary effort and hold themselves to a high standard of performance. Overachievers typically work hard, squeeze in as many activities as possible, and try to do be a rockstar in everything they do. Oddly, they don’t see it that way – it’s just the way they are and they push themselves to that level.

Overachievers have high aspirations and like to dream big. There’s always a lot on their plate - their To-Do Lists are full and they have an abundance of ideas for future books, businesses, projects, and improvements. They see every moment as a valuable opportunity to invest in a worthwhile endeavor.

Overachievers also have an overwhelming sense of urgency. While this is part of their recipe for success, it can also backfire when they are unfocused or try to do everything at once. Anxiety strikes when they see their time slipping away and not accomplishing as much as they had hoped.

Despite doing 2-3 things at the same time and using tools/systems to be more effective, overachievers often feel guilty for not doing enough. They feel like they should always be doing more and this creates an ever-present pressure that can, oddly enough, get in the way of their path to achievement. To counteract this overarching need to do more, it's helpful to create a plan of action around their priorities and set realistic and clear goals for the future.

As a fellow overachiever and professional career coach, I work with ambitious people to do this; I help them refine and clarify what they want and how to get there. If you're an overachiever looking to investigate your professional direction or personal ambitions, check out the Overachiever Coach website or contact me directly. I understand what it means to be an overachiever and have helped a number of clients be even more successful in business and in life.

Quarterlife Crisis

I was recently on vacation and caught up on some reading. One book that was particularly relevant and echoed a lot of my own personal observations about the turbulent twenties was "Quarterlife Crisis" by Alexandra Robbins.

It's sub-title "The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties," is a good description of the book overall. It's a quick read and I would recommend it to someone just getting out of college (if you've already hit your 30s, you probably already know most of this stuff).

Thoughts on the book:

• I wish I could have read this book when I was going through my own quarterlife crisis. It would have helped me recognize that everyone goes through this period of questioning in their mid-late 20s. One of the goals of the book is to illustrate how common it is so future generations realize they're not alone in their doubts and inner turmoil. I certainly would have been happy to know that I wasn't the only one banging my head against the wall. But then again, if it had been too easy, I might not have been compelled to be "part of the solution" by becoming a coach.

• This book complements my coaching so well that I wish I had written it. It does a great job of highlighting all the issues facing twenty-somethings, with a number of different quotes and perspectives. I had a tiny bout of author-envy, especially when I found out she had published a book called The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids. I have yet to read that book, but it made me think I should get in touch with her (Alexandra, if you're reading this, we should grab coffee and chat!).

• I think the reader would have benefited from a bit more in the way of answers or suggestions. The book was a very thorough collection of perspectives from questioning quarterlifers, and at the end I was hoping for more direction and resolution. A quick search on Amazon shows a follow-up book called Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis which is more advice-based. I haven't picked up yet, but I will and I'll let you know if it's worth the read!

At the end of the book, I wanted to offer my coaching services for wayward or lost twenty-somethings as a follow-up resource. If you know someone struggling with a quarterlife (or midlife or 3/4-life crisis), send them my way. Maybe they'll include my information in the anniversary edition!

The Imposter Phenomenon

From today's NY Times article "Feel Like A Fraud? Maybe You Should":

Social psychologists have studied what they call the impostor phenomenon since at least the 1970s, when a pair of therapists at Georgia State University used the phrase to describe the internal experience of a group of high-achieving women who had a secret sense they were not as capable as others thought. Since then researchers have documented such fears in adults of all ages, as well as adolescents.

But what's more interesting is that in further research, imposterism has been reversed and intelligent/confident people pose to be less smart or less talented to downplay their own abilities. I've often noticed this "imposter phenomenon" among overachievers where a smart person will offer excuses or redirect to lower expectations.

In a 2000 study at Wake Forest University, psychologists had people who scored highly on an impostor scale predict how they would do on a coming test of intellectual and social skills. An experimenter, they were told, would discuss their answers with them later.

Sure enough, the self-styled impostors predicted that they would do poorly. But when making the same predictions in private — anonymously, they were told — the same people rated their chances on the test as highly as people who scored low on the impostor scale.

In short, the researchers concluded, many self-styled impostors are phony phonies: they adopt self-deprecation as a social strategy, consciously or not, and are secretly more confident than they let on.

“Particularly when people think that they might not be able to live up to others’ views of them, they may maintain that they are not as good as other people think,” Dr. Mark Leary, the lead author, wrote in an e-mail message. “In this way, they lower others’ expectations — and get credit for being humble.”

Psychologists view impostering to be more of a self-presentation strategy than a personality trait. In my experience with overachievers, a lot of smart people use it to "fit in" with a crowd of normal people (Yeah, I went to MIT but I partied most of the time...) or to "hedge their intelligence" among other smart people in case they do poorly (I was up all night and then drank 2 cups of coffee before the presentation, so it might not go that well...). I think it's common among well-educated 20-30 year olds and I must admit to a small amount of impostering, myself.

We must play the imposter role well or we risk being exposed, which is even more socially awkward than just being smart (Why didn't you say you went to Harvard in the first place instead of trying to dance around it?). It's an odd balance to be an overachiever - one doesn't want to come off as a smarty-pants or arrogant about past accomplishments, but we also want people to suspect that we're smarter than we let on.

Over the years I've realized that it's OK to be intelligent, it's OK for people to see how hard you work, and it's OK if the results aren't as good as you had hoped. If anything, it's admirable to be comfortable with who you are and open about those kinds of things.

• When have you been guilty of impostering?

Aging Overachievers

A good friend of mine in NY sent me an article about aging overachievers entitled, "From Overdrive to Coasting" (Newsday, 1/28/08).

In the article, the author (Kathy Connors) accurately captures our current and future plight as overly-ambitious, do-everything types people. She does a great job describing the archetypal overachiever (maybe she's been reading this blog!) and how people like us may feel as we age:

Overachievers make long to-do lists, do most of what's on the list and then agonize over what doesn't get done. They are the homeroom mom who makes cookies from scratch even though she works full time and does seven loads of laundry a week. They are the hardworking dad who brings a change of clothing to work so he can coach his son's soccer team every day after school while he sets up business appointments for the next day. They are the people at the gym at 6 in the morning. And they often have multiple degrees. After all, one of anything is seldom enough. If you consider red lights a great opportunity to check phone messages, then consider yourself a hopeless case.

***
What happens to overachievers as we age? Let's face it, the spirit is still willing, but it's the flesh that's weak. While we hate to admit it, we run out of energy sooner than we run out of ideas. And it is certainly not in our nature to just fade away. We may burn up, burn out or just annoy the hell out of family and friends (who would never even want to measure up to our high standards). I've talked with many aging overachievers who tell whispered tales of diminished capacity for pushing themselves beyond all reason. We feel guilty even discussing what we see as our "infirmities." After all, we are profoundly uncomfortable even having things like bad backs, the stirrings of arthritis or that strong desire to just take a nap. That's the entire point of being an overachiever. We refuse to see ourselves as simply human. That would be settling, and we don't ever settle.

When my friend sent me the link, I don't think she knew just how much this would resonate with me. She couldn't have known how bummed I was when I first got glasses (because my eyesight was no longer perfect) or that I almost cried 2 years ago when I got my first cavity. To me, these were irreversible indications that I wasn't the super-human being I wish I could be (thought I was?), and I could do nothing about it. Maybe she could see it in me, despite never hearing the particulars.

On the bright side, aging can be a good thing. Think about what we've learned just in the last few years and imagine that we'll continue to gain wisdom, experience, and perspective as we get older. Every so often, if I'm feeling a bit stagnant, old, or doubtful in my personal evolution, I find myself channeling Stuart Smalley and thinking:

"Every day I'm getting better and better"

It also reminds me of the line from the old Ragu (spaghetti sauce) commercial:

"As I get older, I get better"

These sayings may be a bit hokey, but they're good reminders that even though we're noticing more and more imperfections as we age (gasp), we're continuing to learn, grow, and improve in other ways. Or at least that's what I tell myself :)

• How do you feel as an "aging overachiever"?
  

Law School Apps

I have a friend who has been dragging his feet on applying to law school. He's an overachiever, but has been out of the overachieving game for a bit, spending time traveling, having odd-jobs, and enjoying life. He decided it was time to buckle down, so he took the LSAT and started thinking about law school.

He did well on the LSAT, but not as well as he thought he should have, despite still having a score in the 90th percentile. Time passed and he still hadn't applied to schools. We found ourselves chatting last week and he admitted that he hadn't started the process yet because he hadn't come to terms with the fact that he won't get into a Top 10 school.

I know to some, this may seem like a ridiculous woe-is-me argument, but overachievers who have been in his shoes can identify with the gravitas of the situation. We've been conditioned our whole lives to feel that achievement is everything. It's no surprise that my friend feels like the law school he goes to is a representation of his self-worth. Especially after being out of the game for a while, I can see how the internal (and external) validation would mean a lot to someone who holds himself to the highest standards.

I don't typically give advice in my coaching sessions, but if his true goal is to graduate from a Top 10 law school, I suggested the possibility of transferring if he can ace his first year and get great recommendations. Of course the important thing is that he understands why he wants to go through law school and how the degree is only a tool for accomplishing what he really wants to do in life.

It's interesting, yet unfortunate that our prior successes can set us up mentally for disappointment in an otherwise good situation.

• Has this ever happened to you?