The Chronic Sadness of Late Sunday Afternoon

From today's NY Times article The Tension Builds (It's Almost Monday):

The feeling is familiar: you are savoring the last of a leisurely Sunday lunch or a long walk in the park when you abruptly realize that your weekend will be over in a matter of hours. In an instant, you are deep in what John Updike called the “chronic sadness of late Sunday afternoon.” As you envision the to-do pile on your desk, the meetings on your calendar, and that trip to Topeka on Tuesday, your mood shifts again, your muscles tense, and your head begins to ache.

You have a case of workplace-related stress. You also have plenty of company.

Poll results released last October by the American Psychological Association found that one-third of Americans are living with extreme stress, and that the most commonly cited source of stress — mentioned by 74 percent of respondents — was work. That was up from 59 percent the previous year.

More of the article...

Like many overachievers, I lived for many years with those Sunday afternoon blues; whether it was the week of classes and problem sets or the week of meetings and presentations, Sundays always had a distinct feeling. I think that in addition to this "workplace stress," there are other factors that go into this "chronic sadness of late Sunday afternoon."

In some cases, it might be from having to end a fun weekend or experience. Maybe you had so much fun skiing or hanging out with friends that you want to savor the last few moments before thinking about the daily routine again. You could also be working on a project and it pains you to put it on the back-burner again... if only the weekend came with 3 days! In this sense, the Sunday blues come from having to cut short some enjoyment that doesn't come frequently enough.

These blues can also come from not having used your weekend time as you had hoped. Maybe you slept in really late, or didn't get to that back-burner project you've been meaning to work on. The feeling of "What did I really do with my time?" or "Why did I spend so much time doing ___?" On Sunday night, as we naturally reflect on the weekend, we have a feeling of squandered time and opportunity that puts us into a funk.

Yet another variation is the Sunday night anxiety that comes as you see the sand slipping through the hourglass in the last remaining hours. For me, it's usually around 7pm when I know I have 3 hours left and I want to make them count. Should I watch a movie, go out to eat, work on that project, or get in a few hours of work? When there's less time available, it makes it that much more valuable. Especially when you know it'll be at least 5 days before you have it again!

And of course, there IS the workplace stress of the over-full inbox, the morning meeting, the memo you have to draft, or the presentation that you'll have to cram for. The week might hold in store for you long hours or an overbooked schedules, keeping you running frantically from one activity to another. Workplace stress may also be the result of a less-than-desirable working environment, difficult colleagues, or an onerous boss. Stress can also come from feeling unfulfilled or unchallenged in your position, knowing that you could be putting your potential to better use. Maybe it's the nagging thought that there's a better match for you in terms of industry, career, or position and either not knowing how to get there or not knowing exactly what that is.

I work with clients who are facing these situations and help them reach a more fulfilling, yet less stressful, place in their careers and personal lives. If you're feeling the Sunday afternoon blues, a few weeks of coaching might be just the thing for you. Email me at leeknight@overachievercoach.com and begin managing your workplace stress!

Low-Stress High Schools?

The NY Times ran an article on Oct. 29 entitled "Less Homework, More Yoga, From a Principal Who Hates Stress" about overachieving high school students and new programs to counteract stress in schools like Needham H.S.

I have mixed feelings about it; I would generally agree that it's a good idea to give students tools and tips on how to manage stress, but I don't know how effective it can be when overachieving students see it as just another mandatory thing they need to squeeze in with the rest of their activities.

Most of us can remember being in that situation - working hard in school, applying to college, taking AP classes, being on school newspaper, captaining a sports team, taking instrument lessons, trying to cram everything in, and make time to hang out with friends. An additional yoga class would definitely be compounding the problem.

However, it sounds like administrators might actually cut some of the standard coursework to make way for "de-stress" sessions, which sounds like a ludicrous idea.

“You run out of time,” said Max Hekler, an English teacher. “You can’t teach ‘The Odyssey.’ Something has to go."

I think students should spend their time learning things they might not be exposed to or learn later in life (ie, The Odyssey). It's a lot easier to learn how to deal with stress later in life than to take the time to understand the allegory in a major piece of literature.

I also tend to think that maybe "ignorance is bliss" when it comes to stress. Students might not feel stressed, but well-intentioned administrators may be labeling it as such and manufacturing it. It's like when a baby falls - it takes cues from the reactions of others to react and show signs of pain. If the adults are smiling and supportive, the baby is fine, but if the parents gasp and rush to their side to mollycoddle them, the baby senses something is wrong and starts to cry. Similarly, I didn't think high school was stressful because everyone around me (other overachievers) were also busy and on a path of achievement. I'm not sure if we knew it was stressful, or if that knowledge would have changed how we acted.

I don't know enough about these de-stress programs, but I hope they aren't inadvertently promoting a "wimpy" attitude. The article mentions classes that have no grades and not publishing the list of seniors and where they're going to college, both as a response to the stress that it causes among students (some of whom have lied about where they're going to college!?!).

But what about the kids that can handle the stress? Are they forced to take yoga instead of reading The Odyssey? Isn't high school a good predictor of how people will handle stress in the future? I feel like they might self-select out of situations if they don't enjoy it or can't handle it. What's next, athletic competitions where no-one keeps score?

My primary concern is that stress becomes an excuse for students and fosters the dangerous attitude of learned helplessness. I think healthy competition and busy schedules push students to learn valuable lessons like hard work pays off, discipline builds character, how bounce-back after failure, managing time and priorities, goal-setting, etc. I wouldn't want stress to become another "crutch" for students like some of the learning disabilities and ADD/ADHD have become in many cases.

Maybe I'm just being skeptical... After all, I think yoga is a great thing to teach young adults, and am a big fan of keeping things in perspective and taking a step back to reflect. Hopefully these programs become wildly successful at balancing achievement and stress, without softening these overachievers too much.

• What do you think? Please comment...