Grad School Apps: Personal Statements

It's that time of year for some.

Many of you have considered going back to school and I'm excited for those who have ponied-up and decided to do it. As you're typing away in a coffeeshop, surfing the web at work looking at programs, or emailing requests for letters of recommendation, sooner or later you will face the dreaded "Personal Statement" or "Statement of Purpose."

You can BS your way through your accomplishments or a time in your life that has been most difficult, but when asked the simple question of "Who are you?" and "Where are you going?," you stare at your computer like a deer-in-headlights. You end up writing a few paragraphs or doing an outline but are not really content with it. Why is this so hard?

You can take comfort in the fact that everyone has trouble with this particular question. It's particularly tough because:

1. The question is so broad that it's tough to know where to start and what they're looking for.
2. You're not clear about why you're really going back to school (or don't have a good reason).

Yes, the question is broad and it's tough to know where to start. Does the reader want a short-term answer or a long-term answer? Would they want to hear a "big picture" response or a targeted and well-charted career path?

But the real reason this essay is tough to write is Reason #2. To write a clear and convincing essay, you need to be clear yourself as to why you're going back to school. Some of the real reasons people cite for wanting to go to grad school usually include:

"I'm going back to school so that I can..."

• Gracefully leave my job or make a career switch
  
• Hide away from troubled industries for a few years (Wall St, real estate, etc.)
• "Network" (i.e. hang out, drink, and socialize) while getting an expensive piece of paper
  
• Get another academic/professional notch in my belt
• Make more money/ climb the corporate ladder
  
• Appease my nagging _____ (parents, spouse, significant other, etc.)
• Feel like I'm making progress, despite not knowing exactly where I'm going

If any of these resonate with you, it's understandable why the Personal Statement causes some anxiety. The reasons above obviously can't be the basis for your essay, so you begin to scramble to craft something compelling. But before you begin spinmeistering, why not sit down and really answer the question?

What do you want to do?
Who are you and what is your statement of purpose?
Why is this a good next step?

It would be helpful both for your essay and for your own personal clarity to take some time to think about it. I believe that guidance in walking through these questions can offer great returns. Even if it's just 1-2 conversations, the structure and accountability will allow you to genuinely answer the Personal Statement question.

Having worked with overachievers and grad school applicants, I can help with this process. Email me at leeknight@overachievercoach.com if you're interested in learning more!

Low-Stress High Schools?

The NY Times ran an article on Oct. 29 entitled "Less Homework, More Yoga, From a Principal Who Hates Stress" about overachieving high school students and new programs to counteract stress in schools like Needham H.S.

I have mixed feelings about it; I would generally agree that it's a good idea to give students tools and tips on how to manage stress, but I don't know how effective it can be when overachieving students see it as just another mandatory thing they need to squeeze in with the rest of their activities.

Most of us can remember being in that situation - working hard in school, applying to college, taking AP classes, being on school newspaper, captaining a sports team, taking instrument lessons, trying to cram everything in, and make time to hang out with friends. An additional yoga class would definitely be compounding the problem.

However, it sounds like administrators might actually cut some of the standard coursework to make way for "de-stress" sessions, which sounds like a ludicrous idea.

“You run out of time,” said Max Hekler, an English teacher. “You can’t teach ‘The Odyssey.’ Something has to go."

I think students should spend their time learning things they might not be exposed to or learn later in life (ie, The Odyssey). It's a lot easier to learn how to deal with stress later in life than to take the time to understand the allegory in a major piece of literature.

I also tend to think that maybe "ignorance is bliss" when it comes to stress. Students might not feel stressed, but well-intentioned administrators may be labeling it as such and manufacturing it. It's like when a baby falls - it takes cues from the reactions of others to react and show signs of pain. If the adults are smiling and supportive, the baby is fine, but if the parents gasp and rush to their side to mollycoddle them, the baby senses something is wrong and starts to cry. Similarly, I didn't think high school was stressful because everyone around me (other overachievers) were also busy and on a path of achievement. I'm not sure if we knew it was stressful, or if that knowledge would have changed how we acted.

I don't know enough about these de-stress programs, but I hope they aren't inadvertently promoting a "wimpy" attitude. The article mentions classes that have no grades and not publishing the list of seniors and where they're going to college, both as a response to the stress that it causes among students (some of whom have lied about where they're going to college!?!).

But what about the kids that can handle the stress? Are they forced to take yoga instead of reading The Odyssey? Isn't high school a good predictor of how people will handle stress in the future? I feel like they might self-select out of situations if they don't enjoy it or can't handle it. What's next, athletic competitions where no-one keeps score?

My primary concern is that stress becomes an excuse for students and fosters the dangerous attitude of learned helplessness. I think healthy competition and busy schedules push students to learn valuable lessons like hard work pays off, discipline builds character, how bounce-back after failure, managing time and priorities, goal-setting, etc. I wouldn't want stress to become another "crutch" for students like some of the learning disabilities and ADD/ADHD have become in many cases.

Maybe I'm just being skeptical... After all, I think yoga is a great thing to teach young adults, and am a big fan of keeping things in perspective and taking a step back to reflect. Hopefully these programs become wildly successful at balancing achievement and stress, without softening these overachievers too much.

• What do you think? Please comment...
  

Celebrate Accomplishments

One of my "good people, good energy" friends (and fellow coach) Sara B. Frederick, had a post on her blog that made me stop and think. It's entitled "Celebrate" and I liked the comparison she makes below -

Imagine the following scenarios:

You get a phenomenal promotion at work. You give your boss a cool thanks. You go home and during the course of regular conversation with your parents/significant other/friend, you just casually mention it, to keep them updated. You go to sleep and get up for work the next day.

Or,

you get a phenomenal promotion at work. You give your boss a huge smile and a strong handshake. You go home and as soon as you walk in the door you make a HUGE fist pump, shout “yeah!!” and call your parents/significant other/friend to share your excitement. You make time for a little celebration, go to sleep, and get up for work the next day.

Which way do you feel that you’ve achieved more?

I think that overachievers, especially, tend to go through life in the first mode. We are used to achievement and expect it from ourselves that it becomes "no big deal" and we treat it that way. I know I've frequently acted that way... partly because it doesn't seem like a big deal, partly because I don't want to seem like I'm gloating about it, and partly because I've truly moved past it quickly onto the next thing. For most overachievers, we see things like promotions just as the next logical step in our progression and not necessarily something that is all that impressive.

Celebration, whether big or small, is important because it allows us to appreciate our efforts, but more importantly, it allows others to share in our lives. The people who care about us want us to succeed and want to connect with what we've been up to. Parents, friends, and significant others want to congratulate you and acknowledge you as a person and all the work you've been doing. Give them the chance to be happy for you!

Celebrations also help to differentiate one day from another, making today a little more special than yesterday or the day before. Our weekly schedules can get a bit repetitive and it's nice to feel that there was something exciting about today. Why not make it a big deal?

• What events have you celebrated recently? Were you glad you did?
  
• Just for fun, try having a mini-celebration for your next accomplishment, regardless of how insignificant you might think it is.

Check out Sara's blog at http://blog.azrelationships.com/ and her coaching website at www.azrelationships.com

Is Balance Really Possible?

As overachievers, we have high expectations for the idea of balance in our lives. Because we believe we can do everything, balance for us is when all areas of our lives are operating at 100%. We don't really understand that balance might mean sacrificing a little to make sure we're not driving ourselves crazy.

I went for a jog today and of course I couldn't help thinking that I should go running more often. I beat myself up for a few minutes about not being disciplined enough to wake up early every morning. Then I thought about all the other things that I wanted to incorporate - eating healthier, getting more work done during the day, learning to speed read, sort through my bills when I get them (instead of letting them pile up), spend more time with family, etc.

There's so much to do just to try to stay on top of everything and "in balance". But how to accomplish all this? Something's gotta give - sleep less, work longer hours, take time away from my hobbies or friends, ...? But then I'm not in balance anymore and am stressed trying to do everything.

I started thinking that there were 2 models for thinking about balance, just like there are different approaches to filling your car with gas - the "Top Off" method or the "Almost to E" method.

I know I usually let my car (and areas of my life) get almost to Empty and then head to the station to replenish. This has taken the form of sending a bunch of "How've you been?" emails in one day, or running everyday for a week, or eating an entire head of lettuce in one sitting (true!). But I find that I'm swinging to extremes in different areas of my life in a strange attempt to maintain a balance on a longer time-frame (e.g. over a few consecutive months).

I admire the people who take the "Top Off" approach - it seems like they're balancing their lives on more of a daily basis. It takes a lot more discipline to keep all aspects of life in check - i.e. talking to your friends/family every week, consistently eating healthy, working an extra hour here and there, etc. Maybe these types of people are naturally more regimented and organized, or perhaps just more realistic about how much they should bite off at one time.

It reminds me of an article I read in Fast Company, entitled "Balance is Bunk". It's an interesting read, albeit a bit long. The basic premise is that balance is nearly impossible and it's better if we stop trying to reach this unattainable idea of "balance" and just be happy with how we do things. Being from the "Almost to E" camp I might have to agree :)

• Are you an "Almost to E" or "Top Off" type of person? Is balance really possible? (...please comment!)

Fear of Failure

I just started reading the book "What Happy People Know", written by Dan Baker and one of the primary messages of the book is that our fears keep us from being happy above all else (I'll tell you if the book is worth a read when I post a book review for it here).

Specifically, he points to fear of not having enough and fear of not being enough as keeping us from living our ideal life. Both the fear of not having enough and not being enough are similar to what I think holds back a number of overachievers: the fear of failure. Why are we afraid?

• We've been taught that failure is bad
• We don't want it to tarnish our glowing record of achievement
• There's the social pressure of others judging us based on their expectations
  
• We have high expectations for ourselves and would be disappointed in our abilities
  
• Our sense of self largely comes from our accomplishments.

Failure is largely an unknown experience for overachievers. It's an area we don't understand and I think it's the biggest contributing factor to our fear of it.

It's no mystery that we haven't failed much - we've gone to good schools, done well in our activities, and usually have had some kind of safety net to keep us from really failing. Because we haven't had much exposure to failure, we shy away from things that might be risky or lead to failure - starting a new business, taking up a new hobby, or competing seriously.

If we have a fear of water or don't know how to swim, we stay away from pools, oceans, and other risky situation. Similarly, we shy away from situations that might present us with failure because we don't know how to swim in those waters.

I say that we should practice failure so we're not afraid of it. It would be really hard for us knowingly choose failure as an outcome, but we should be open to it and embrace the things that don't go our way. I've often thought of creating "Failure Camp" so overachievers can practice failing in a safe environment. With a mix of difficult situations/activities, the focus would be on taking risks, dealing with failure, and then "bouncing back".

• Would you attend Failure Camp?
• Do you think most overachievers are held back by their fear of failure?